Confidence

CONFIDENCE

 

noun

 

1. the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.

   “we had every confidence in the staff”
2. the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.
   “it is not possible to say with confidence how much of the increase in sea levels is due to melting glaciers”
3. a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
   “she’s brimming with confidence”
    

Confidence is such a beautiful thing.  When I look at my infant daughter, I see that she is very confident.  When I look at myself, I wonder why I am not more confident.  My daughter smiles at everyone, tries anything and everything without hesitation (even if it didn’t go well the first time), she doesn’t take herself too seriously, and shares her emotions freely without any fear that she will be judged or reprimanded.  

When does all of this change?  When do we go from being such confident and happy beings to ones riddled with anxiety, stress and little to no ability to appreciate our own abilities and qualities?

From my personal and unique experiences, I believe it comes from a cumulative effect.  A parent telling you yours grades aren’t good enough, a teacher telling you your art isn’t good enough, a stranger giving you a funny look because of how you look, a friend asking when you put on that extra weight, a significant other criticizing you . . . 

At first, the comments don’t mean much.  You appreciate and trust your abilities and qualities, so you brush the criticism off.  Water under a duck’s bridge, right?  I know I am good enough.  I know my art is beautiful, I love the way I look . . . But then, a second, third, and fourth person says something mean or demeaning.  Your “sure-ness” starts to diminish.  I think I am good enough.   I think my art is beautiful.  I think I like the way I look.  The days and years go by.  More and more and more.  Now, you can’t help but think:  Am I good enough?  Is my art beautiful enough?  Do I really like the way I look?  Self-doubt EVERYWHERE.

That was me.  This is me.  Most days I have to really work hard to brush off the perceived criticisms and judgments that I am faced with.  Most days I have to fight against the negativity that creeps into my mind from years and years of internalizing external criticism and judgments.  

But I’m learning.  Come hell or high water, I’m changing things.  Here’s what I recently learned from some (a lot!) of personal development, it is all about perception.

PERCEPTION.

noun

 

1. the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.

   “the normal limits to human perception”

    
2. the state of being or process of becoming aware of something through the senses.
   “the perception of pain”
3. a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.
   “Hollywood’s perception of the tastes of the American public”

The erosion of my confidence, the erosion of my appreciation of my own abilities and qualities comes from my perception of what others say and do.  I know what you are thinking, but wait! That art teacher clearly said, “your art is terrible”.  I didn’t mis-hear him.  That is pretty clear.  And, you are right.  That is pretty clear.  But, perception.  That is ONE person’s opinion.  ONE PERSON.  I know people who don’t like the Mona Lisa.  I know people who don’t like Picasso. The bottom line is, so what?  So.  What.  The Mona Lisa’s value is not diminished because one person does not like her.  And, your value is not diminished simply because someone doesn’t know how to value you.

If you love to DRAW, then draw.  If you love to DANCE, then dance.  If you love to COOK, then cook.  The more you do things that you LOVE and that make you FEEL good, the more your confidence will soar.  You may never hang a painting in the Louvre or win Top Chef.  So what?  Treat your house like a museum and hang your painting there.  Treat your kitchen like the best restaurant in the world and cook there.  See my point?

Have you misplaced that confidence?  Don’t know what you love to do?  Don’t worry.  There are a lot of resources out there that can help you get back to your authentic self.  My current resource of choice is the Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte.  I will write about my experiences as I work through this life-changing book.

One thing I did recently was look back on my college application essay.  I was 16 or 17, full of ambition and hope for a future filled with everything I was confident I wanted to do.  What did it say?  It said I was going to combine business and art into a fabulous career.  What do I do now?  I’m an attorney.  Somewhere along the way, life took me in a different direction.  Looking back on my life, I know it was what I needed to do to work out some “stuff”.  The beauty of life is that you can always re-invent yourself.  You can take steps to return to your authentic self.

What did your college application say?  What did you spend hours doing as a young child?  What have people always told you you should be doing?  Does it align with where you are now?  If not, can you change it?

Life is beautiful.  Actually, it’s downright amazing.  Take a chance, re-build your confidence.  Live life on your terms.  Appreciate your abilities and qualities because there is only one you.  Only one.  And boy, we are sure lucky to have you. 

I’m Possible.